I cannot find my penis.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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