Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
