Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
