Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
