I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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