to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
