New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think I just sharted jello shots
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