Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
