people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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