If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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