1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
