I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
