I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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