I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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