well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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