the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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