saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize