The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
