What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
