I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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