I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
