Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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