I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
