I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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