he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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