Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
