Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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