this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
