Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
