i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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