my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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