you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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