I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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