Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
