maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
