You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
