You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
