ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
