I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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