i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and she was petting her beer can
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mom said you looked used
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
