We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
