$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
