i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
