Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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