on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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