I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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