Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
