Yo dont text me then not text me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
