whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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