I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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