After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
