I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Be still, my beating vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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