If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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