I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
