So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
