she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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