3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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