Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
