So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
