I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Terrible idea I love it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
