I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
