He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
