so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
