I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
