where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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